I have always prided myself on being a good listener and giving good advice. It really makes me feel good to be able to help people with whatever wisdom I have. Recently I have had some problems with this aspect of my character though. I have been trying to give a friend advice over a fight they are having, and although I have a lot to say it seems to me that my advice might not help at all. The more that I delve into the problem, the less I know about what to do. This makes me really worried because I really love giving helpful advice.
I realized that the problem may have been how close I am to the problem. I recently encountered a really difficult situation in my own personal life and I noticed that I completely fell apart. I couldn’t give myself good advice if it saved my life. On the other hand, a new friend of mine was having a problem with a boy and I gave her some pretty good advice. She even told me that I was a good listener. These events made me realize that I seem to have situational wisdom. I collect the facts of a problem and examine them until I can think of good advice, but I can only use this wisdom on others. Things that are too close to me are hard to deal with.
It is especially hard because of how big my problems seem from the inside. My friends and I recently had a huge talk about our lives and problems and I realized how small my problems were in comparison. This doesn’t change anything as everyone’s problems feel big to them, but it does keep me from seeing things objectively. The problem my friend is having actually started to get closer to me and I froze up. I began to worry that my advice would ruin things and that my friend would have bigger problems. I didn’t know what to do at all.
Although I am still in this bad situation, I hope that by recognizing this problem I can start to see my problems more clearly. The most important thing I have learned is to ask for help if you need it. If a problem seems to big for you, it may be just that. You might need help no matter how situationally wise you are. I still love giving advice and helping people and I always want to be a good listener and pillar of support for my friends. This love can give me the motivation to keep at it despite the doubt.
AWWWW. FRIENDSHIP!!
I have learned that the best advice you can give is for the other person to do what they actually want to do. I mean, if they’re saying they want chocolate cake and asking you whether they should buy celery, you should tell them to get what they want, the chocolate cake. However, if they want to lose ten pounds and want some chocolate cake and are asking you whether they should buy celery, you should tell them to do what they want most in the long run, which is to buy celery and lose ten pounds.
I feel like that’s what most situations boil down to, is, “Should I do what I want to or not?” and it honestly depends on whether what they want to do is actually going to get them the thing that they want.
The only situations I draw the line at are if they want something that will hurt someone else, I tell them about that, and if they actually have no idea of what they want, I tell them to figure that out first and come talk to me again later.
But most of the time these problems just take a little while and a little bit of distancing to solve. I had to do it recently and I could only do it when I had a self-help book in hand and an entire day just to myself to look at myself and think, “Okay, so I know what I want, and I know how I tell myself I’ve been behaving in order to get what I want, but am I ACTUALLY, SINCERELY behaving the way I think I am?” And of course, I wasn’t, but it was a huuuge revelation to me at the time. xD Don’t pressure yourself for not being able to help so quickly! It takes a little bit of time and sincere honesty to be able to pull yourself from the situation and look at everyone objectively according to what they and you want from the situation. And most of the time, one can’t do it until they are ready. (I sure as heck didn’t.) Don’t pressure yourself or worry too much about it. Just like sometimes motivation goes away, but it always comes back, and this will too. xD
Thanks for the tip!!!
This is horribly ironic.
Still helpful though. All the advice is like good for my life stuff. Things will get better